Am I a bad father? Well there’s a question. I Guess most of us feel in some way that we could be better or feel inadequate when only the mummy will do. I know I have felt these things and I’m sure I will still feel them for many years to come.
I think the answer lies in the answer to a few questions.
Do you love your kids?
Do you try and spend as much time with them as you can?
Do you worry about how they will feel?
Do you try and provide the best you can for them?
If the answer to the above questions is yes then I think that no man can be that bad a father.
I know we all have short comings, I for instance, have a job that takes me away for periods of time, Does that mean I’m a bad father? Does that mean I neglect my kids needs? We speak everyday and it allows me to make sure they have a safe environment to live and grow in so Am I a bad father?
I know I feel some days that I am… The days when my eldest is crying down the phone that he misses me and wants daddy home, the days when I miss the important events (My youngest sons birthday was the most recent – Although I did phone twice and I did send gifts), the days when they are hurt or scared. They are the times when I feel I could be better, I could be there instead of half way around the world, I could be … But my job provides for us, It has meant my wife CAN stay home and be there for them, It has meant that we have gone from being massively in debt to being quite the opposite, it has meant that the kids want for very little.
I guess if you are committed to your family then you are winning the battle, so long as you do your best I don’t feel anyone can ask much more. I am always trying to better myself and I am taking great steps to become a better person, not just a better father, and I suppose that with sterngth I will get there but for now the dilemma continues, and quite possibly always will.
For now I don’t feel like a bad father… I feel like a bloke doing his best.
UPDATE – 23/2/2009
You know what I’m not a bad father, I might be a bad partner / husband / whatever but I’m a great father, when I think about how bad some dads are that I know let alone the ones you hear about on the news.
I’m not going to abandon my kids just because my relationship has failed (Yes It’s my fault), I’m not going to stop phoning just because it’s hard to talk to their mum. I’m not going to stop wanting them to stay at my house, or take them out or on holiday. I’m not going to stop loving them. So no I am not a bad father, I have my faults but that is not one of them.
I only hope they know how much I love them and that this situation I’m in does not affect them too much. I love them they mean everything to me.