Day 11 – 22/1/2009
Not been good, in fact been the worse time I can think in my life, I have realised that I am everything I hate. I’m struggeling with addiction problems, and I have been an awful husband to the woman who is singularly the most caring, loving, selfless person I know and I have been horrible to her.
Well today I change, I will become a better person, I have admitted I have problems and I have admitted I have been an awful person and in doing so I have started (I believe) on the road to recovery. I am still stuck away working but on my return I am going to seek help and look at other ways I can make a living that do not take me away from the kids.
I have realised that they are the most important thing to me, I always knew they were but my actions did not always show this. From Today they are my 1st priority and nothing else matters to me other than them.
All the stuff I thought Important is not really, Money, Success etc it’s all not real when I think about them.
My eldest son today was in tears because I was away again. He gets really upset when I’m away and I don’t want this to be the case anymore. I don’t want to miss birthdays anymore, I don’t want to miss xmas plays, I don’t want to be on the other side of the world when my kids need me.
It’s not going to be an easy ride and it’s not going to happen straight away. I am going to re train and find another job where I can support my kids AND be at home.
So there you have it… I feel like I have hit bottom and I want to make my way back up.